i don’t have much left to say tonight.
it’s strange to feel so sad one minute and so numb the next. it’s the revolving door of unwanted feelings. i hate this. i know it’s for the best, but it doesn’t hurt any less.
last night you asked me, “what picture was it? let me see.” you wanted to know which picture it was that did me in; the one that made it impossible to hold the tears in.
it was this one. i captioned it something about how when you’re around, my fridge is emptier, my laugh is louder and my heart is fuller. it’s not even a good picture. it’s kind of silly, looking at it now… but it means so much to me.
it’s my favorite place to see your shoes, and your socks – next to mine. it meant that we were in the same place. which is funny now, because i can feel you here now. i can’t close my eyes without seeing your face. i can’t listen to my heartbeat without hearing yours. it’s all on a loop in my brain. i wish it would go away, but dread the day when it fades away.
i am p r a y i n g for your clarity, your well-being, your heart. i am praying that god will lead you back to me, but i’m not naive enough to think that i’m the only option. i’m praying for every part of you.
i am p r a y i n g for my perseverance, my will-power, my heart. i am praying that the first two come swiftly, with the morning light; and that my heart will survive this. i truly hope this is for the best.
i wish you the best and sincerely want to thank you for the love + the memories. my life would be forever changed if i had never met you. i hope our hearts meet again soon.
until then, i will carry your heart with me. i love you, forever.